Andy: Just found her last name and phone number. In an email from months ago with a list of teachers willing to babysit.
Me: Hitting the google?
Andy: Can’t find her
Andy: Oh, it’s easy. I’ll just hire a PI to find out if she’s single. That’s not weird, right?
Me: Maybe hire a PI to find your balls. And then use them to ask her.
Andy: I see what you did there.
Andy: It takes balls to hire a PI
Me: You need a plan. Maybe you can write her a funny note.
Andy: In blood.
Andy: To show my devotion
Me: Or have her babysit, but when she comes over Chloe isn’t there and there’s candles everywhere.
Andy: I’ll have to magnify and print up all those blurry pics I’ve taken of her from the parking lot. And maybe place dolls around the house whose hair I’ve curled to look like hers.
Andy: She is going to be blown away.
Andy: Maybe as a gift, I’ll give her a new butcher’s knife. Pull it out really quicky—element of surprise.
Andy: I do have her number.
Me: And with just 11 button presses, you could introduce yourself as the creepy father of one of her students.
Andy: That’s ridiculous. I’m smarter than that.
Andy: No, I was going to call posing as a City Of Austin surveyor. Just one question: “Are you currently available… for coffee with Chloe’s dad?”