Most of the songs I’ve written are about love/breakups/etc, so writing a silly funk song was a pretty nice change of pace. I was just messing around on the keyboard and yada yada yada this came out.

I don’t want no heath food
I got my collard greens
Come down to Shreveport
Or down to New Orleans

The bayou’s not in Oakland
It’s not in Illinois
You’re talking baseball
But I’m not taking score

WTF? Does this even make sense? It doesn’t matter—I like it.

If we get together
well you’ll see what I mean
I don’t want your health food
I got my collard greens

These next two lines are a direct quote from a tennis coach I had in college who yelled at a foreign-exchange student whom, from what I remember, kept moving away from the middle of the court.

So get back to the middle—
That’s where you belong

Well don’t go breaking no southern laws
With your northern wrongs

It’s always funny writing lyrics just to fit the rhyme, and then realizing meaning afterwards. I like the wordplay of the last two lines, there.

I heard a lot of stories, and brother that’s just mean (oh yeah)
Don’t come around here with your northern dreams

You keep making plans, you keep crafting schemes (and yeah)
We all know things ain’t like what they seem.

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