My friend Mark posted the following MC Hammer video on Facebook with the caption:

Good morning everyone. Your day is about to get better. You’re welcome.

What followed in the comments is some of the finest extemporaneous creative writing I’ve ever done.

Me: This is where Hammer peaked as a lyricist.

Mark: I’m not the Hammer historian you are, Jeff, so correct me if I’m wrong, but might this also be his speedo-wearing, schlong-slinging peak as well?

Me: It’s not that simple, Mark. With great work comes great struggle, and this Hammer masterpiece is no exception.

It’s widely believed among Hammer historians that this video is layered in metaphor with Hammer’s feelings on his celebrity. The remote controlled waterfall symbolizes the unhinged excess that piles of money can cause, and the stark change from his extra-baggy silk parachute pants to his fully-exposed banana hammock symbolize the complete loss of privacy Hammer experienced as he became more famous.

But he keeps up the facade of happiness for the public, and “goes through the motions” (symbolized by the choreographed dance moves in the second half), with his true emotions hidden by the dark black sunglasses he wears throughout the video.

So while the layman may view this video as his speedo-wearing peak (no offense), it actually marks the peak of Hammer’s sadness. And his genius.

Mark: Profound. Could it then be said that, in Hammer’s philosophical search for the true self, that his speedo, as juxtaposed with his harem of bikini clad ladies, is intended to symbolize the Anima Jungian archetype?

Me: I go into that in the seventh chapter of my book, When Parachute Pants Don’t Break Your Fall: The Untold MC Hammer Story, hitting bookshelves in October.

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